Dating is scary - On being vulnerable in the age of hookups
Dating is scary. Opening yourself up for love and actually giving it 100%, is absolutely terrifying. So most people avoid it like the plague. We share bad coffee, stare at each other with ever increasing confidence over wildly overpriced drinks, even fuck casually, but being truly vulnerable? That’s a step too far. That’s reserved for “real” relationships. And yet, isn’t that what we are looking for?
Dating is complicated. So many options, so many tips and tricks. 5 ways to make him fall for you or the secret moves to make her cum. Whatever your deepest insecurity is, there’s a convenient listicle online to help you out. Now I’m armed with instructions and I’m in control. After all, if things don’t work out, it’s not my genuine self that turned them off, it’s the tip... the tip was obviously wrong, so I got to find a better one. And another one, and another one, until I forget my true feelings and desires even exist. Oh, the sweet sweet insulation of the ego…
Because without this insulation we are basically naked. Emotionally that is. And being like that is terrifying to everyone. If you think there is ever a person beautiful, successful, or *insert applicable adjective* enough to not be scared of baring their soul to someone they like, think again. It’s a human condition; the most human of them all.
All the tips and tricks are designed to help us do one thing - avoid rejection. And that’s alright; there’s definitely value to that. I don’t judge. After all I’m just as scared of having my soul crushed as anyone. But I find that the most important trick is this - make yourself more resilient to rejection. See the difference? Avoidance vs embracing the pain that comes with embodying who you truly are.
Here is the thing that truly sucks. If you live in your authenticity and allow yourself to open up fully, there is a 100% chance that some people will not like what they see. It’s not all rainbows and true love, it’s heart wrenching pain that’s akin to what we feel when we’re rejected by our own family. Because it lives in the same place - your soft emotional underbelly, where only the closest people can go.
And yet, if you manage to make yourself resilient to rejection (also known as true self esteem), the reward is so much greater than the fleeting buzz of being liked by a stranger for something that’s not even true. There will be love and acceptance. Of yourself first (and let me tell you, it feels ecstatic!) and of other people.
You will be seen by those who would love every part of you with deep tenderness - the same people who would have never noticed you while you were hiding under the layers of “how you should behave”. Isn’t that the goal? To find those who want YOU? Or is that too scary?
